Swinhoe's 5th Wheel Euro tour

Ezcaba Campsite 3rd July 2009

2009-07-14T01:34:00.000-07:00

Well it looks like all that are arriving have arrived, although it is Sunday so you never know. What this means is the “space” we have on either side of the MS is still there which also means that, after cutting down some branches, we may be able to get out.

Planned next stop is Mortagne-sur-Gironde in the Poitou region of France, a 250 mile hop but that is not until 8th and we still have the Bulls to contend with.

Next to us are 2 motorhomes, one belonging to a Scottish couple, Norman and Rose, and the other to about 4 or 5 Spanish guys. Soon as they arrived, on with the built in ghetto blasters, at full ghetto mind you, and I guess it sounded like what used to be, or maybe still is, “house” music. THUMP! THUMP!....................THUMP! etc ad infonitum. No, I’m not talking about Norman and Rose.

They also must have a young lady, or one of the guy’s balls have not dropped, because someone in there struck up a guitar and she/he began to sing. I don’t know what the song was but every note was missed by a very wide margin; we were in the middle of dinner and had to stop eating - don’t give up your day job just yet, pet.

It was a relief when the main dance music came on from a large tent 100 m away and drowned them out with a different kind of thump and continued until 3 in the morning. Just dropping off and then woken at 5 am with the same guys right outside the MS. I thought at first they were putting a tent up because of the knocking sounds, looked out of window and they were playing castanets. That was definitely a first.

Woke up at around 6:30, God knows why, and had a job not turning the outside speakers to full and putting on a CD of Matt Monroe.

Went for what we thought would be a short, 5-6 mile cycle, of course we got lost, for the second time in two days and it turned out more like 18 miles.
(by the way I know I am in Europe and I should be using kilometres, however if I tell Tricia the distance in kms, she just complains it’s too far and she isn’t going)
How you get lost when you cycle alongside a river, cross a few bridges along the way and then cycle back is (was) beyond me. It turns out that probably when our backs were turned or more likely one of Tricia’s “stops”, the bloody Spanish slipped in another river!

I realised later that we were crossing at the meeting of two rivers, one of which I still do not know the name of, and of course following the wrong river back in almost the same scenery , but vastly different direction. As the sun here is almost permanently overhead, guessing north is not an option. Still, good for the fitness.

I DO NOT BELIVE IT!

I’m typing this at 8:05 (IN THE MORNING) and it’s started up again! (the thump) Admittedly from another motorhome but come on, is there any justice!
No it is them, only they have not opened up all the windows and doors yet AND they are having a go with the guitar again; sounds like trying to put a cat through a grater.

Today the plan is to find the quickest way into Pamplona by bike for the bull run because although there will be buses available from 5 in the morning it’s almost a 30 minute walk to get to the bus stop, and there will be hundreds trying to get on, so bike it is.

Pamplona 6th July

Well, I was wrong about thinking everyone who was going to arrive had arrived, they really started to arrive today.
There were huge queues at reception and in the small space between the vertical drop and the Mothership 2 tents materialised and on the other side another caravan full of Spanish managed to squeeze in along with along with four Italian guys in their motorhome, we can now just about open our door to get out.

Went into Pamplona by yet another route and got lost, again. So it ended up a 24 mile round trip and Tricia was well knackered. The Bull Run itself was very crowded but we managed to video it because I reckon no matter what time we go in tomorrow, 5’ish, we will not get much of a look.
Found some nice parks, including Parque Yamaguchi named after a place in Japan were a local, Saint Francis Xavier lived for a while in the 16th century and which Pamplona is twinned.

The San Fermine’s festival shirts were €16 in the city, we managed to pick them up for €6 just outside as we took in the parks. Might have got one for Swanny.
There were lots of adverts for the use of balconies on the run, €45 for 15 minutes, not a bad rate eh?
When we eventually got back there were even more tents and people. Main reason was tonight was the main gig at the camp site and represented the start of the festival.

My God! I’ve just been talking to John and Irene from Bromley, over here for their two week holiday in a motorhome. He has wanted to do the run for the last 20 odd years and this is his time. What he told me about the run, however, I did not know. First he asked if I was doing it, not on your nelly. Then he said that all the volunteers, and if you did you couldn’t UN volunteer once you were there if you bottled, had to be in their place at a certain time or no go.

It’s approximately ¼ of a mile up cobbled streets and the best men can do it in 3-4 minutes, the bulls can do it in 2 so you are going to be overtaken by at least 16 sharp horns. Definitely count me out.

Went into Pamplona, by another different route, how did you guess? and not only was it quicker, we did not get lost and ended at the top of the town next to the bull ring.

This was the first official day of the festival and did not include bulls (tomorrow).
It involved thousands of people dressed in red and white throwing red wine over each other, banging drums, screaming, singing and dancing, almost like a Sunderland home match (except for the thousands of people and change red wine to cans of Stella).

As you can see from the pictures you just could not move once you got into the streets. We managed to find a table in the square and get a couple of coffees, Tricia had to go and was gone for almost 35 minutes, I nearly went back without her.
Lunch was a mixed salad for me and a small plate of paella for Tricia, €36, enough said. Well not really, one of my teeth, small molar, broke in half; I’m sure I brought some superglue.

Pamplona 7th The Bull Run.

Tricia went to bed at 10 pm and I stayed up, put my ear phones in and watched the second episode of “Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy” which she doesn’t like much, the usual music played on in the background.

Then a 5 am start, into the “San Fermine” gear, get in line for the toilet, eat a quick brekky, attached lights (it was still dark) and keep on assuring Tricia that this time does actually exist on a clock.
On to the bikes, because relying on the bus was not the best idea with hundreds of people milling around. On the way in we noticed quite a few people dressed for the festival coming the other way, was there something we didn’t know? 5 minutes later I’m locking the bikes up and Tricia is changing into her shorts on a park bench. For some reason I am the only person wearing pink shorts and the many stares I got were trying to tell me something I should know?

Although we arrived with hours to spare, not a space remained. Standing 2 deep next to the barriers near the bull ring did not appeal to us because of the crush. The place smelt of urine, cheap wine and vomit and was strewn with debris from the previous evening. There were also a lot of people still sleeping in the park and on the streets. The steady drinkers were still going hard at it and were, from the look on most faces and inability to walk in a straight line, still drunk.

We tried the main square but the supposed large screen was nowhere to be seen. So it was back to the bull ring and onto some steps which gave us a tiny patch where we could just make out the tops of the runners heads. That was when 2 ambulances hove into view and parked.

The firework to start the event went at 8 am and then again slightly later (?) then some commotion, a few blurry rushing heads and then it was over. Did not hear any thunder of hooves, screaming, guts been hurled over the wall, nothing. 40 minutes later we were back in the MS watching the clouds come over and the thermometer drop to 21º C.

I guess the above is not exactly painting a picture of a great event but the reason is the change from the exciting and boisterous, clean and merry drunk crowds of the first day in juxtaposition to this sorry lot, was a bit of a come down. Not actually seeing the bulls was in there as well mind.

If there is a next time I would pay the €45 for the balcony. All in all we can tick the box and I’m glad we did it but not for the next 7 days.
BTW no pictures as no batteries for camera so it’s all on video instead.

We started to prepare for our departure in the morning so got the job of cleaning out the tanks. Just got everything ready and this guy from one of our outposts of tents came along and pointed to the front wheel of the Navara. I thought it was a twig; I’d been cutting the overhanging branches of the tree that was blocking us in so I guessed it had fallen on the front tyre. It was a 10 inch long by half inch thick tent/awning peg that some one had left in the ground and was now imbedded in my tyre. Change with the spare, first time for that, and repair with my “professional” tyre repair kit, then back to the tanks. Thank God he had pointed it out in time because if I just drove off with it still in it would have completely wrecked the tyre.

Pamplona 8th into France!

Getting out was fun, cars moved, gates opened and then down a very steep slope and with lots of people helping just squeezed through the gaps, and out!

On to the AP15 toll road because the A121a, which went true north, kind of wiggled a lot through the mountains, which usually meant climbs with tight bends. Passed south of St Sebastian and across the French border with lots of enquiring looks from the police but did not get stopped.
On to the A63, more tolls and finally turned off for our destination, Mortagne-sur-Gironde, a small fishing village and Aire for motorhomes.

Coming into the village the roads got tighter and tighter, as did the bends. The GPS must have been set on “shortest” because it was trying to take us where we just could not go. On one bend a car appeared, we were on his side of the road, and trying to avoid a collision managed to scrape the awing cover on a tree. Never did like that awning anyway, now a bit torn, but it is amazing what you can do with a roll of silver gaffer tape. Getting down to the port was fun, narrow streets, tight turns, sweaty palms, high blood pressure and we are there!
Stacks of space for parking and are now hooked up to electricity in the middle of a field overlooking the marina, sorry Alan, port.

Went to pay the €6 for the night and was informed if we ate in the single table farm “restaurant” it would be free camping, dinner was for 8pm. We were basically in the farm’s front room with all sorts of personal stuff all around; it was like a family dinner. It turned out to be Moroccan cuisine with eight other people, including a number of friends of the owner, all French, only one spoke some English, we got by. Meal was superb and all the wine you could drink. Much later we said our “bon nite” and it was off to a deep and quite sleep.

I have always wanted to be in a place where at night there were no city lights, no city/townscape, a placid sea nearby, a full moon and an inky black sky full of stars, last night I got it.

To use a phrase from James Taylor’s “Up on the roof”.
“and at night the stars, they put on a show for free”

We may stay another night.
We did.

Mortagne-sur-Gironde 9th July

Walked about a bit, took some pictures and left on the 10th.
Getting out was fun as well, the other route out was up a steep hill and I was hoping to get a good run into it but somebody had placed some bollards at the corner preventing a quick turn. (well, I’m sure they were not there the other day)

Managed OK and through some tight turns out of the village, destination somewhere around Tours. We tried a few and either we were not allowed on or we (SWMBO) did not like them. By this time I was pretty frazzled with all the U turns, three point turns (Yes THREE point turns) etc. Some I just said we should push on to good old Disney World, Paris.

This time we actually got in and managed a shower.

Next stop; we were booked on the 4pm ferry on Monday 13th so a couple of nights to go, was Le Touquet, where Tricia had picked out a couple of sites. As we approached however she suddenly decided that a place in Le Crotoy was favourite. On to a packed Aire (70 odd motorhomes) parked and hooked up. Knock knock, opened door and a dark uniformed guy, with a gun, was telling me something in French. What I did understand however was that as we were not a true Motorhome we could not stay. Told him I’d just put €2 in the meter and paid €7 to the manager and he relented but we had to leave the next day. Next day it was 19° C and pissing down so I said sod Le Touquet, let’s get an early ferry, the 12th, and we did and I’m now finishing this off here in my front room at home.

Not Bonterra Park 3rd July 2009

2009-07-03T09:22:00.000-07:00

Although we were expecting to stay until 4th July, decided to leave as it was getting a little noisy with ever more Spanish families and it may be cooler further north. So typed in the GPS stuff for a campsite near Pamplona (320 mile trip but turned out more, see later) and away we went, well not quite that simple. (Tricia having "lunch on the journey)

The day before we left I told Tricia it would be better if we hooked up and drove over to the pitch opposite. My reasoning being if someone decided to take the plot there was not much we could do to stop then except we couldn’t get out without chopping some trees down, Luckily we did because one hour later all the rest of the spaces were taken!
Paid the day before which was expected, what was not expected was a bill for €120 for less that two months electric!

Just a matter of driving out then. Managed to negotiate the one tree that was in our way then down past reception and manage to knock the barrier off its stanchion. It turns out that when it lifted it did not go fully vertical. Also turns out that it is only plastic and “it happens all the time”. No damage, no problemo!
Off down the A340 and everything OK. Not! The outside shower unit decided to become unlocked and so is now swinging around at the back and bashing into the road, couldn’t stop as no hard shoulder. So carried on until we could, no damage and stowed away safely.

On towards Zaragosa, up some “hills” that reduced our speed to 45 mph and mpg to nothing. As this, the A23, was a new dual carriageway there were no petrol stations on it so we had to pull off to find one, alright many. So, pulling out of a station and the road only goes back in the direction of Valencia where we had just come from! Back down “hills” for a number of miles, turn round and back. We almost needed fuel again.

Arrived at Pamplona and the GPS had determined that we should have a look at the town. Pulling 13 m off truck and trailer through a town is not quite what I would call full, but after Paris, bring it on mate.

Arrived at Ezcaba campsite OK. Drove to reception, yeas we can stay. “Have you come for the festival?” “Que?” We new about the famous Bull run through Pamplona which was due to start 6th July. “No, not that our Ezcaba festival”.
"The Pamplona bikre ride"
Turns out that to coincide with the Bull Run, they have their own “do”.
On 4th July thousands of people, mostly aged under 25, camp there and play pop music VERY LOUD all day for 2 weeks. I found a pair of ear plugs a little later, ominous sign. Talk about out of the frying pan. Also camp prices, which are already high (high season) double for the festival, cost €300 for the week. Oh well we do want to see the bulls.

(the lightening rod)

There are signs round the site “no alcohol to be brought onto the site, available from site shop only”. We found out why later, their “magic shop” (turns €5 into a litre of milk), everything was 5 times the price”. I had picked up 6 cans of local stuff and she said €15!! QUE!!

Getting in however was our first trial. Bloody trees again!

The guy who was to “guide” us in obviously had not noticed that we had an A/C unit on the roof. So after a few back and forwards started to pull onto our pitch “bonk!”

Ah well it had never worked anyway. Found another way in but was then told that when the campsite filled up we might not be able to get out again and remain here until September.

So we are now in and level, which is a new one on us and have got the best view you could imagine. Of course the people that had the view before were not gleeful that this 13m x 2.3 m x 3.5 m “lump” was now in their way.

Cycled into Pamplona, only 6 miles, but after flat beach runs the hills nearly killed us.
We stopped to have a 3 coarse €12 each lunch in the Plaza Principal De Viana. I had a salad starter like no other I have ever had before. It was the usual thing with Gambo (king prawns) and also little thin things that I could not figure the taste of, some sort of Chinese type young bamboo shoots. In the supermarket later, I found out that they were baby eels.

Cycled the actual Bull Run, which goes from the north of town, just inside the city walls, for about 1 mile in distance and finally arriving at the bull ring where I guess God knows what happens to them... Fun eh? On parts of the walls you can make out holes made by horn strikes.

It also starts at 8 am. So that’s a 6 am get up and 1 hour cycle to get there in time and it only lasts about 15 minutes or they are buses from some where near that start running at 5 am. Also learnt that only 8 bulls are let loose each morning where I thought, from the movies etc; that there were hundreds.
We shall see if SWMBO can get up in time.

Whilst there we found the Europa Hotel, the back rooms over look the end of the run. This was the hotel we stayed at with the Swans on one of our motorcycle tours, the hotel was reasonable and cheapish but the restaurant was apparently one of the best in Spain, it was. Unfortunately those were the days pre whip, (whip; a bag containing money from all parties to cover expenses such as eating and drinking et.) and of coarse it was the Swins turn to pay. Alan actually chortled when he saw the prices, b**tid.

Couple in their 70’s I reckon, turned up in their VW camper van and parked right next to us. They have had the van for about 20 years and been just about everywhere with it, just goes to show what you can do when you still have the will.

Just started to use my Olympus 4/3rds DSLR E-420 (yes, it’s a camera) as recommended by my son Adam. How many buttons/controls can you have on such a small gadget! I have read the manual, something I never do, it’s a man thing. If you can not use it out of the box it should be chucked away. Well you can use it, like point and shoot but apparently you can also see through walls, turn the sky orange, leap high buildings and distort people into Bugs Bunny amongst other things. It also shoots video and can be used as a chock to hold up our wonky table. Back to manual.

Today because of the high price of Gods own life giving liquid, booze, we will drive to the nearest supermarket and “fill up” for the week and smuggle it in. Might get some food as well.

When we got to our plot and were safely parked I looked at the site map and noticed their was a WiFi point right next to us, it turns out to be the camps lightening conductor. I tried to convince Tricia that this is probably the safest place to be because lightening will prefer it rather than us, (her, is all she thinks), but as a precaution she should cut back on her multivitamins with iron. So since then she insists on sleeping on her plastic Pilates mat on top of the bed. (Thinks, a little bit of Vaseline and it would be frictionless, kinky or what?). In your dreams kid.

Lazy day today as Tricia is “knackered” from cycle ride, so it’s washing and shopping. Temperature is now a balmy 28° C with a slight breeze, lovely.

As I type there are lots of people turning up and filling the site, 1,800 Australians are due tomorrow, at least we will not be short on bar staff. I must though I think we were spoiled at Bonterra because although Ezcaba has all the normal facilities it is nowhere near as good.

Just been out to defy all the rules and found the nearest supermarket 6 miles away, now fridge is fully stocked with fish, milk, eggs, meat, salad stuff and what was that other stuff ?……………..er..er.. begins with B? I forget.

Message for Swanny, have brought a case of the cheap, good, Cava, unfortunately the way Tricia is putting it away, you may get the case but no Cava.

Have to go now and get our “wrist bracelet” that allows access in and out of camp, feel like a bloody kid again.

Bonterra Park 28th June 2009

2009-06-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

We are now off the broadband local WiFi and are using a Vodafone “stick” so you will not see many more pictures and your reading skills need to improve because I am typing much faster.
More people leaving, including Martin and Cathy, our back door neighbours for the past week or so. They are both planning to retire in the next 2 years and from my point of view they don’t look bloody old enough to do it! Martin looks after some Rover garages and Cathy looks after most of the NHS.
They have a 26’ Freelander caravan which miraculously becomes 22’ when booking on the ferry (‘cos it costs a lot less). Apparently he’s been getting away with it for years.

Whilst here I introduced him to the cheap local beer, I would not like to say that he’s an alcoholic but he certainly liked it a lot! On the day he left, he single handedly cleared out the local Mercadona supermarket of it and was heard muttering “If I left her here I could get another few crates in”. Man after my own heart.

The UFO’s (ask Alan Swan) are slowly being replaced by younger versions, including families with babies, I forgot what it’s like being kept up to the early hours and being woken first thing in the morning to incessant screaming. When they are yours it’s kind of OK but when it’s someone else’s, and screaming in Spanish, it’s too much.
I’m not so keen on babies.

There is a particular old UFO couple who have brought a small scooter with them and when they both get on it I can not believe it can actually move, if it was an animal I would feel sorry for it. I will try and get a picture next time, if I can fit my extra wide angle lens quickly enough.

We have kind of planned the trip back but are not going to actually book any sites as I’m sure (Tricia isn’t) that it will be a lot more fun that way. Main direction; Zaragosa, St Sebastian, then west coast of France, taking about 10 days, getting back 6’ish on Monday 13th July. We will leave the Mothership at the end of the drive at home and give it good spring clean. Plan then is to stay home until Adams 30th (yes he is 30!), on 18th October, and then back here for the winter. Apparently the temperature drops to 15° C during December/January; I think we can put up with that.

Finally went to Valencia yesterday (Saturday) via train. Forgot phrase book, forgot that ticket office was not open, all of which I was to blame. So just get on the train and hope we can pay on it. It was to be. €11 each, return for a 55 mile 1 hour journey on an air conditioned train, come on British Rail, catch up!

Valencia is beautiful; there is no other word to describe it. We took the “A Historical” tourist bus from the centre of the city. Tricia had been talking about going to the famous Bio Park, basically a zoo. I hate zoos, animals trapped in concrete etc.
No siree! First, although it is not as hot as Africa it was about 35° C, clear blue sky etc. so it felt a bit like it to me.
The actual Africa bit was huge savannah like open space with a lot of the animals co-existing. Obviously the areas for the lions and other predators had ravines keeping them apart. You will have to see the pictures/videos to really appreciate it. I actually agreed that SWMBO was in fact completely right this time and I was very definitely wrong. Great day! Tricia had always wanted to go on a safari in Africa, well this is about as close as she will get.

Then back to city centre and guess what, all the shops were shut, what a pity, hard lines Trishy baby, too bad, how sad. She did manage to find some that were just closing down but by then her spirit was broken and for almost 3 seconds I felt sorry for her.
At this point Pat Swan is imagining plunging red hot needles in my eyes, don’t worry Pat she will make up for it at Castellon de Plana market next week.

Tricia drove us back from the train station to Bonterra Park, her second and more
“Confident” drive on the “wrong” side of the road. We shouted a bit. (Anyone who has heard Bob Newhart’s “The Driving Instructor” will understand)

Tricia had her first real crash on her bike the other day, she ran into the back of me!
Usual trip to Castellon and coming back into a bit of a head wind, she with her head down, me stopping for a drink of water, BASH. Of course it was my fault. Anyway no bones or bike bits broken.

As I have mentioned, we are now completely won over to “The West Wing”. Last night in the middle of a very exciting episode the electricity supply cut off! Tricia was apoplectic, “Well what’s going to happen next!, will it come back on?” Etc. etc.
“Don’t think so Pet but as it’s still early why don’t we have an early night eh, nudge, nudge?”

“What, with all these kids screaming?”

I hate babies.

Bonterra Park 25th June 2009

2009-06-25T00:46:00.000-07:00

(Note to reader; if you click on the pictures they get bigger and click on “comments” to add a comment i.e. not enough sex & violence, type a little slower for the uneducated etc.)

Decided to give “The Desert of Palms” another visit, this time by car. Parked at the information centre and chose “the yellow” route, which encompassed a climb to the highest peak in the area, mount “el bartolo” at 729 m. The route was basically circular with an offshoot to the peak. As can been seen from the photos this became questionable after dark clouds and a heavy mist closed in, and after the recent thunderstorms we wisely decided to give it a miss.

I am presently (7:45 in morning) looking at one of those small teapot things that European people have that actually brew coffee. Got it at the market for €5 and as I had never used one before decided, after buying appropriate ground coffee called “BONKA”, honest! Well yesterday fills it up and puts it on the smallest gas hob we have got, it boiled, and boiled and boiled. When is it done? Problem is the “smallest” hob is still quite powerful and although the coffee had perked, it had heated up the cup bit you put the water in, so much that it was boiling the perked coffee in the top.
Figured this out after about 15 minutes and decided to “have a look”.

Now what happens to cheap coffee thingies that, a) you have never used before b) you don’t know how fast they work, or MUCH more importantly how bloody hot they get. So “let’s just try and prise open this welded lid”, hold on to bottom and …………… OOOOOWWWGGGGHHHH!!!
Hot coffee everywhere, no fingerprints on left hand (thinks; left hand bugler leaves no trace at crime scene) and I’ll have to clean all this up, one handed, before her indoors gets up. Oh well, reach for the instant.

Back to the present, little bastid has been on for a few minutes and steam is still coming out. Right! Asbestos gloves on, hold bottom (of the coffee pot silly), prise lid and viola! I’ve never enjoyed a Bonka so much in my life. To be honest, the time taken, for only one cup mind, to fill it correctly, wait for it to do its stuff, then clean the thing, with a pickaxe, after it’s taken two hours to cool down, it’s simply not worth it, back to the instant Columbian from Lidl.

Another 24 miles to Castellion and back and Tricia is seriously talking Licra and Spandex. She has finally noticed that EVERYBODY, well cyclist that is, in Europe wears the stuff. So as she tends to wear longish shorts and a blouse, she looks like she’s off to the shops (she actually asked me to put a basket on the front of her bike) rather than a gruelling 30 miler. So it’s off to Carrefore sports section and a chamois crutch.

As the weather heats up, more and more are leaving the site to go home for summer mounts, we definitely feel like “Jonny no mates” as there are large spaces all around us. Soon will be our turn, only nine days till we leave!

As mentioned in previous post, the next is:- The invite to Tricia’s 50th, including a potted history.

Dear friends,

As chairman of the Forest Row Goose Fettering and River Widening Society and although unused to public typing as I am, it however gives me great and joyous pleasure to invite you (insert name here) to the forthcoming half-century celebration.
" I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, straining upon the start. The game's afoot: Follow your spirit; and, upon this charge cry, "God for Harry! England and Saint George!"
Or better still, come to: -
Tricia Swinhoe’s 50th birthday party!

The event takes place at or around 7 o’clock’ish in Swinhoe’s back yard on Saturday 17th July. (Her actual birthday being 14th July, Bastille Day, need I say more?)
It will comprise the standard BBQ format, rain or not. Pre-orders for how you would like your meat burned can be taken, black, very black, charcoal and dust.
Invitees will be limited to those from a similar social geodemographic background and must own at least one property abroad (preferably the Algarve) and must not, under any circumstances, associate with people from, or work in the general vicinity of, Croydon or Crawley.

A gift list will be supplied in plenty of time before the event but any article/device or tool that can be used by either a Postman or Electrian will suffice.

Tricia is planning a pre-party “botox” trip to the local vets, so if anyone would like to sign up let me know by return please.

A short history: -

Tricia was born 50 years ago in a place called Seaham, a small pit village, close to the sea (obvious I know). She was your actual Miner’s daughter (not the bird).
The family became restless and finally emigrated the 7.8 miles north to Whitburn, another small pit village near the same North Sea, where her Dad became a “Pit Deputy”. (No, he did not wear a star; it was a form of management).

She went to school in Whitburn, did various northern exams, which are meaningless down south; she basically received the normal northeast education i.e. enough to sign on. She was a real working class lass. She was a bobby dazzler from the start. She started work with British Rail in Newcastle as a secretary, building herself up to a good size 14 on the local “dips”, stotty cake and pie and chips.
It was here she first met her true love. Unfortunately it did not last and he became a very useful left half for Plymouth Argyle and now runs a pub in Bolton.

She then got a job in God’s own city, Sunderland, at Thorns Radio Valves and Tubes, in Pallion Industrial Estate. Doesn’t it sound so romantic?

Working there was a rather gawky longhaired Electrian type yobo who thought himself a bit flash. Owning a red Mini with Mickey Mouse painted on one door and Dillon (from Magic Roundabout) smoking weed on the other. (He often wondered why the Police kept stopping him?).

To cut a very long story short, Tricia made it known to the local gossip that she may fancy a bit of “rough”. He eventually went round to her office and asked for a date. On the way out her mate asked what the hell did she see in him? “Oh, I’m in love and I’m going to marry him”…………………………er, make up your own words now.

The “date” involved seeing Little and Large at “The Tavern” in South Shields and John (yes the bit of rough, thank God), for some obscure reason, pouring as many Brandy and Babychams down her neck as possible,

He got promoted to Factory Engineer and she left to work 400 yards away at Rolls Royce, eventually becoming the Managing Directors PA and earning a relative fortune. Which came in handy later as John tried to get pregnant because they could not afford her to stop working.

Anyway, engagement was followed by the great day, John bought a Triumph Spitfire, er... no the Wedding!

John by now had received his first of 6 redundancies and was working as an Electronics/programming design Engineer at Newcastle University, studying for his degree, part-time Electrian and still earning less than her. John remembers vividly standing in the rain at the bus stop as Tricia drove by in HIS Spitfire. He should have realised there and then that this was the way it was going to be forever, him always getting the shitty end of the stick. (Only joking, pet)

If he had murdered her then, he would be out on good behaviour next Thursday.

Two kids followed and a real “emigration” took place when the family moved “Sarff”; well to Hertfordshire for a couple of years and then here, to Forest Row.

Tricia decided she should be “looked after”, which meant not working and bringing up the kids for the next 16 years. Twice during that time Tricia had her credit cards stolen, John never reported it though, as the thief was spending less than her.

In that time she has met many people down here and made friends and that is why you are all invited, her friends

Tricia and John.

Tricia's Day Speech by Bill Wagglestick

This day is called the 50th feast of Tricia:He that outlives this day, and comes safe home (via Roadrunners or Southdown, whoever comes first)

Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,And rouse him at the name of Tricia.

He that shall live this day, and see old age,Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,

And say 'To-morrow is Tricia’s day:'

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.

And say 'These wounds I had on Tricia's day, fighting with Swan for the last chicken leg.

'Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,

But she'll remember with advantagesWhat feats she did that day: then shall our names.

Familiar in her mouth as household wordsRadford the dour,

Marsh the silver fox, Stockwell the Greek,Kent the injured,

Connacher the devious, Leadbetter and Swan of the short pocket,

Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.

This story shall the good man teach his son;

And Tricia’s day shall ne'er go by,From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remember'd;We few, we happy few, we band of brothers (and sisters!);

For he to-day that sheds his blood, wine, beer and burgers with her Shall be her brother

(and sister, watch the PC);

be he ne'er so vile,This day shall gentle his condition:

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought, drank and BBQ’ed with us, upon Tricia’s day.

Bonterra Park 19th June 2009++

2009-06-21T02:48:00.000-07:00

Firstly I must apologise to my reader out there. There seems to be a problem with the formatting of pictures in the blog. You will have to just bear with me on that for the time being.

Our DVD dilemma is now history, after the first showing of “The West Wing” we are now converts, thanks to the generous donation from brother Alan, you’ll get them back when the gravy boat comes in. more than 100 hours to watch!

Well the exciting news is that Tricia has finally driven on the wrong side of the road!

Coming back from a day trip to Peniscola, a busy tourist town up the coast, I said “Do you fancy giving it a go? Driving on the right I mean”, “OK”, Gulp!

So she drove for 37 miles, with turns and roundabouts thrown in, and it was fine, mind you I still can’t unclench my hands.

The place had a castle and lots of restaurants and shops, we always hold hands when we go on trips like this, if I let go, she shops. The old castle was one of the many homes of the Knights Templar. You always think knights being big, tall and powerful but as the average height in those days was about 5’ 6”, they do not quite so formidable.

The castle was used as the set in "El Cid" and had been added to quite a lot. We had lunch just outside the castle, Tricia's contained a few tenticles but she ate it.

Parked in an underground car park at 37 cents a minute! So the shopping and eating was a little rushed from

Tricia’s point of view.

Couple of days ago we were told that the water was going to be shut off to “clean” the system. I didn’t realise how bad the water quality had become until one new arrival, Martin, said “This stuff tastes bloody awful!”

Were told about “El Talle’s”, mountain streams, which turned out to be faucets set into a wall in the mountains. But the taste, or lack of it, was great and the views were magnificent. They are all in the “Desert of Palms”, which is the region we tried to walk up/around in the first week, leaving me not walking properly for two days afterwards. Last night “la tormenta electrica” with the accompanied cats and dogs. Then all sorts of vehicles, planes, helicopters began buzzing around the mountains; one of the helicopters was emptying a large container of water on a particular area. It appeared that either they had been a crash or the lightening had set a fire.

Our Spanish is coming along, I/we can count, pronounce most of the words and vowels correctly, there is a lot of “th’s” and important this like “it is not possible for me to get this rig in that space”, which I feel I will need a lot.

Rained all last night and pretty cool this morning which is a relief. I’m getting pratty fed up with constant hot sultry days, fantastic Spanish salads for lunch, BBQ’s in the evening and all the bear and wine Lidl can supply, what a waste of a life.

I was looking through some of the old files on my computer back up and found my write ups from previous trips/events worth recording. So for the next few blog entries I will end with one of them. Some of you will already have heard these re-told on many occasion, for others read on. Since they are all actually true I have used real names with one or two obvious exception. To come:- “The Venetian Boys Choir”, “Rugby Rome”, “Italy, the blind leading the blind”, “Tricia’s 50th” and some more if I can find them..

The Athens Trip
(This takes place before the € and pre-posty, when I was still in computer sales)

OK, here's a thing, you get a call from your brother at 10 o'clock at night "John, how do you and Tricia think about going to Athens?
“When?”
“Tomorrow?”
Been planned for a while, Ruth, Alan's wife, was really looking forward to it but work had dictated a no go situation.
We were planning a "booze trip" to France on the Friday of that week; this call was Wednesday therefore logic tells you Athens was Thursday. Flight from good old Luton airport. We live 15 miles from Gatwick so train, tube, train (and bus, but that was as yet an un-thought of event) was on the cards. Car (of three) was out of the question as my son needed one, the 3 week old 3,000 mile Toyota Yaris (Y reg, first time I had ever bought a new car) for college, the Porsche was sick with negative wiper action and my beloved Mini Cooper was non operational mode due to a knackered radiator. So can we do all this in time, can I get the time off work and was there anything "on" for the coming four days that could not wait, be put off, lied about etc?
All the above went through my brain in a nanosecond, so I thought "better check this out with Tricia". Hold it! Back with brother "is this actually going to cost me anything"? No. Good. Back to wife. "Tricia, how do you fancy.............etc" the whole 9 yards. Her reaction; "What am I going to wear"?

Back to Brother Alan. "OK we are up for it"
What followed was a marvel to the powers of the Internet. E-mails were sent to EasyJet (not so easy to change) and the Athens hotel, to change all bookings from Mr A & Mrs R Swinhoe to Mr J & Mrs P Swinhoe, confusion abounded, but true to that electronic ether, all was accomplished by about 1 in the morning.
During all this, felt it wise to check all documentation was at hand. Would have checked the next day due to the France trip but thought it prudent to do now. Wife's passport, yep, my passport, yep..., I mean it’s a 10 year passport, of coarse it’s OK, er…………. Expiry date 6th February 2001, today is 28th March 2001. Quick do the math, do the math! SHIT!

Good advice coming up.
Go check your 10-year passport NOW!

Back to brother "er...got a problem etc.", answer "oh well just use mine then".
It was late at night (early in the morning!), and had a couple of wines but no, not a particular good idea. Athenian police? I think not, we look vaguely similar, i.e. two eyes either side of a nose, mouth below, you know that sort of thing, but that’s where it ends.
Switch scene. Next morning, you can make up your own script for what went on with wife after passport thing was explained (explained?).
Son drops us off at Gatwick to get the Gatwick Express to Victoria, Tube strike! Walk to Petty France Passport Office, with bags etc. Walk in PO, look at queue and take ticket. Look at ticket number 89, look at board, 12, look at approximate time expected 147 minutes, look dejected.
Flight leaves 1:30 pm, time now 8:30 am, no problem? Told by reception that there is a quicker "renewals queue, but no one is manning it yet".
Dateline: 9:23 am, renewals is manned! Semi-queue that was, now forms into true British queue i.e. I'm here, your there, don't even think of going to the toilet! Two hours idle by, brother turns up with his passport and original plan, er no. Need to catch 11:30 am Thames link train from Blackfriars to be able to make Luton Airport Parkway by say 12'ish to allow check in and some eats!

Two hours trickle by. Get to front of renewals queue, look over shoulder at board and guess what number is showing? Hand over bits to a very nice man. "Were these photos done on a computer"? I had used my digital camera and computer, with the right photo paper to generate these the previous night in between e-mails. "Er... yes". "Well, they're no good you see, bubble up they do, for your long term benefit, you will thank me for it, go to the back of the queue after you have got proper ones from that machine over there"

Feeling at that quintessential moment in time? Don’t ask.

"But please! I've got this plane to catch". "Proof of flight"? "Well yes, but it hasn't actually got the right name on it", que for story so far. "OK then, you've got a honest face" (I'm in sales!) "Use yonder machine and come straight back to me when you’ve got the pictures". Suddenly out of nowhere 2 people decide the need the photo booth! In the previous wait no one has gone near it!
Wait, wait and wait again. Into booth, what expression? Right! Everybody always looks like a convict, therefore simple logic and try and REALLY look like a convict. Put money in, do the biz. Where are the bloody photos? Machine busted! Photos jammed! Reach up into "dispenser" NOT and pull out bedraggled photos. Manage to smooth the requisite 2 into acceptable format and yes I look like someone who's just done a 6 stretch at Lewis jail. Out of booth, front of queue (sound of teeth grinding from rest of queue members) and fill in paperwork with attendant "going to cost you an extra 12 quid doing it like this mate". Yes, yes, yes at this point money actually becomes worthless.

OK all done, here’s the money, where's my passport? "Oh, just pay the cashier over there and you passport will be ready by 4 pm. WHAT! “But what about my flight?”. "Sorry, I forgot, we will "fast track" you, it will be about an hour”. Another hour! What! Who! When! Where! Why!
I had scheduled a business meeting on Monday and also a squash match at the same time we arrived in Athens but I did not want to postpone either until I was checked in on the flight, so I just put a hold on both.

Wait, wait, wait, wait and wait.

Now since no Tube, on strike for safety reasons, cabs about as plentiful as rocking horse shit, it was a 2-mile walk, with bags, to Blackfriars. Alan leaps to rescue and orders a Cab via his firm "we have an account you know".
Exactly 1-hour later cab turns up and passport is ready, cab waits all of 3 seconds and vacates. Out of Passport office, along Petty France and Alan manages to stop a cab by lying on the bonnet after he lets his last fare out.
In cab, bye Al, hello cabby. "Blackfriars please, trying to get to Luton airport asap", "All the trains are running slow on account of Tube strike. I'll take you up there myself for £70 if you like". "er...no thanks".

Dateline 11.45 am, Thames Link Blackfriars, standing outside station. Hear a distant, muffled "The train standing at platform 4 is the Thames Link to blah, blah, blah, LUTON AIRPORT, blah!” Run like hell, just make it as train pulls out. No ticket, so worry that we might get done for fare avoidance like Cherrie Blair. Phone various people, including office, 'cos it looks like we are going to make it. Arrive at the airport to find that it is a shuttle bus (see, I told you there was a bus) ride and we have to buy a ticket after all so we can get out of the station. Bus waits forever but finally pulls out and we arrive at the mile long EasyJet queue at 12:40 pm. At the front of the queue and I am now worried about the last minute name changes. Hand over one absolutely brand new passport and a once used one and we're on!
EasyJet does not use boarding cards and seat assignment is on the basis of whoever checks in first gets on the plane first and picks whatever seat they want, except for the front 2 of course, unless you are of Arabic decent. So you get handed a plastic card with a number on it, we were 78 and 79.

Rush of to ATM get money, change money. What's the rate? "Er...£200 of er... er Athens money please". Get about 100,000 drachmas, therefore 500 D to GBP? Who knows / cares, just get on the bloody plane!

Plane boards at 1:40 pm and we choose to sit at the back. The plane fills up but we end with a spare seat between us, great!

I guess because the fares are cheap you get to buy all your food and drink, so a few G&T's and a sandwich later Tricia's asleep and I'm writing this.

Arrive at newly opened airport, like 15 hours newly opened, I'm glade the pilot knew 'cos nobody told us. It became apparent that something was not quite right when we got out of the terminal to try to find the taxi stand. Most of the passengers, officials, taxi and bus drivers were yelling at each other a lot higher up the scale than was normal for a European airport. We only found out after getting in the taxi and having the guy complain that the old airport (there was actually two, domestic and international) had closed at midnight and the new one opened 30 seconds later.
Problem was the old one was north and 10 kms out of the city, the new one being south and about 50 kms out, so it took nearly 2 hours to get to the hotel!
The traffic was really, really bad. So bad that our cabby explained that he had been on all day and had only made 3 trips. As he lived next to the old airport, it was his final fare and his drive home was now longer. Strange thing though, his wife now complained that she could not sleep because there were no plans flying over their house anymore?

You should always have ingrained into your mind the exchange rate especially when paying taxi drivers. Friendly as they all are, especially toward the end of a long journey. So I'm sitting there thinking "nearly 2 hours and his meter says 5900 D, what is he going to charge extra for the luggage, the night sky, the air that we breathe etc." So he managers to get the total to 6800 D, the smallest I've got is a 10,000 D so I'm now thinking 6,800 D is about £13 and give him the 10k and "keep the change". That's a £7 tip for a £13 fare! What am I doing? Of course by the time this has dawned on me, about 2 seconds, he is in his cab and history.

Anyway, into the hotel and again, was there going to be some confusion with the name change? "Do you have a voucher?". “er…voucher?”, Hand over recently e-mailed copy of voucher in wrong name. No problemo! and in room 2 minutes later. Tip chap with 1,000 D and flop on bed, we actually, really made it!
Check out room, scrape off socks and underpants and phone brother Alan to tell him we are there but I did not like the shower unit 'cos it's got a curtain and not a glass panel.

The relief was good but the night was, as yet, relatively young! Wash and brush up and out to get something to eat. Outside every restaurant there is always some guy dressed in a shabby mohair coat trying to drag you into his place speaking passable English and telling you the food is the best in Athens. In we get dragged, to Fridas's place just round the corner from the hotel. Pretty good meal and wine, bill comes 36,500 D. Divide by 2? Multiply by 6 and a half, add a few cattle and sheep, who knows? Pay bill with tip, 41,000 D inc. tip.
Next day discover that math was not too good and have been ripped off to the tune of £80 for one meal. Spend whole day grinding teeth and then go round, against wife's wishes for confrontation with sleazy waiter. He most upset (NOT) and points to wine list and most expensive wine on bill i.e. £36. Never ask a waiter to recommend a wine on your first night in a foreign city, which, of course is what I did. Leave restaurant by leaving a number of expletives and recommending he spends the rest of his life somewhere very hot.

This hotel had a safe, simple to use, you put in your chosen 4 digit code, pressed enter and then close. To open, 4 digit code then enter and sesame! We chose our standard ATM pin code, used it for years, all the family used it. So there am I sitting on the throne, reading as usual. In the bedroom I hear "beep, beep etc." for quite a while. Leave throne, after completing necessary paperwork to find Tricia sitting in front of the safe punching in various, but wrong, combinations. Every time you use a wrong number you have to wait an increasing amount of seconds until you can try again.
After a while it kicks you off for 5 minutes. Twenty minutes later no dice or rather no passports, money etc. I knew, but she did not, that the reception always has an "override" code, but I knew it would break her little heart if I told her. So I guess I exacerbated the situation slightly informing her that we would be stuck in rain sodden Athens forever with no money and they would have to use a thermic-lance to force open the safe. "I put the right numbers in, honest, but the numbers it flashed back before closing were not the ones I put in". Yeh right.

Anyroadup, reception had to be called, I was F'd at by wife for the wind up. The number she initially put in bore no relationship to any combination we had ever used. But guess what? It was all my fault 'cos we should have used four 9's, "'cos it would be easier to remember!" What a fool I am.
It is a little known fact, to me that is, that it rains in Athens from January to March. This was the end of March and it was raining, we saw the sun only once during our stay.

Due to the overcast weather, sorry rain, decide against any day trips, so.....
Friday, visit most sites including the Acropolis, must admit it's all pretty interesting.
Saturday, ditto. Sunday, ditto. We only got lost once and now know Athens like a resident. We visited every museum or place of “interest” in Athens. I now know that the Byzantine period lasted from 454 AD until 1453 when the Ottoman Empire crushed and captured Constantinople. There is a fantastic painting in the Natural history museum that shows a courtroom packed with guys in formal, turn of the century, black, business type suits, except for one guy in the Greek national costume. You know, red hat, white top and tights and shoes with bobbles on them.
Tricia wanted to scrawl underneath the epitaph “I’m going to get the bastard who told me it was supposed to be fancy dress”, but I pressed her not to.

Exiting Athens.
Last day, Monday, and all we can do is pack, bag split, breakfast and stooge around in the gloom until it's late enough to go to the airport. Tricia is in eat mode so we end up in her favourite place on the edge of the flea market and she has lamb and potatoes again, me beer. Back to hotel, pick up bags and order taxi at 3:40 p.m. for the 8 o'clock flight. Taxi comes and I don't even want to put my bags in it! It is dirtier than my garage after I’ve done an oil change on the Mini!

Traffic is actually worst than when we arrived and our taxi gets lost "they keep moving the roads, honest gov”, or Athens equivalent. He also has the annoying habit of talking with his hands at 120 kph when we finally find the motorway. Airport, and our flights not on the board because it's full of "late departure" signs. Go to information after standing for about a hour, hoping to get numbers 1 & 2 boarding tickets for the flight. Our check in desk is the other side of the airport, we get 31 & 32.
Hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait, should be the motto as you enter any airport. Bought some stuff and went through "immigration" and radar etc. Found McCafe, an offshoot of Macdonald’s I had never heard of. Have you got......? No, er, no fresh out, the cat’s eaten it, the van does not come round on Mondays, etc..So we settled for 2 beers and a "four" cheeses pie? Which only tasted of one thing and that was not cheese. Then went through to gate, better cafe available on other side! No G&T however so settled for two very, not ordered but delivered that way, large Dimple whiskeys to use up some of the remaining D's. As we queued Tricia noticed a lady with a small baby, "anywhere but next to that!" We know all about kids on planes, we have suffered 2 of our own.
Numbers 31 & 32 were eventually called and we boarded what turned out to be a 75% full plane, therefore spare seat between us again, yippee! But the kid was behind us ALL the way.

Push back was supposed to be 8pm, it was now 8:30 p.m. and "sorry but the airbridge will not detach from the plane and we need the get an engineer". That would be a Greek engineer of course. No problem it seemed and took off at 9 o'clock and looking forward to Luton, London, Gatwick and then home!
Minor but important point, if you have D's left, EasyJet have their own exchange rate. Instead of the 545 D's to the £, they use 666 D's to the £. The 3 6’s set me on a train of thought about the Greek owner of EasyJet. A 25% reduction so pay with £'s and change at home. Also don't expect to pay any less, in fact more, on the plane for drinks, eats etc. two sandwiches, 1 beer, one G&T, water and crisps cost £16, go figure.

Plus point! Just remembered that Thames link goes from Bedford to Brighton calling at Gatwick and when we arrived at Luton proved to be true! Missed the 10:42 pm due to airbridge fault again, did we actually carry the bloody thing with us? Now on 11:42 pm train, getting in at 1:15 am. Called Adam and he said he would wait up, with friends, which of course means there is no food or drink left in the house.
Unfortunately Heather is back with old boyfriend again (on / off relationship for two years) and so had the Yaris, Mini buggered again, so he can not pick us up. Back to Taxi plan.

Was it all worth it? You betcha, will not be forgotten. This "free" holiday cost £800+!

But what is the vote on Athens then? It’s got a real sense of history, great markets and wonderful food. Many menus are similar but all are great eating. Try the Retsina, you will either love it or hate it. The people are honest and friendly, always haggle and just enjoy your stay.

Bonterra Park 17th June 2009

2009-06-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

What a day, 37 degrees at highest and it was still 29 degrees at midnight!

Went to the port, on bikes, because Alan needed to, don’t ask. Although he used to cycle a lot, London to Brighton a number of times, it’s been a while since then. His main worry was that his knees would give out.
Although it’s 8 miles to the port I told him it was only 4 and Tricia, who has ridden there at least 3 times, didn’t contradict me. After about 5 miles “How far is this port then?” “Just up the road a bit” When he finally figured it out it was too late but he was OK because his knees were not bothering him. What was bothering him though was his “crown jewels” as he put it and when we finally got back he could not wait to “cool” them down in the pool.

Tricia asked how much the bike hire was. “€10.50”. “Well then why don’t you give me €5 and I just bash you in the goolies with this baseball bat, that way you’ll have the same effect of a cycle ride and you get to save €5.50 into the bargain?”
He took the bike straight bike and never to use it again.

I insisted that we should watch a DVD, “Dark Knight” was chosen and I fell asleep.
"This is Weatherspoons!"

On the evening after eating at reception, OK’ish, because the restaurants we went to did not have menus or prices and we were not confident enough to order..
So stayed up and drank and talked, Tricia drank a whole bottle of fizz after 3 beers and when she finally went to bed, about 12:30 am, “Do not wake me up in the morning!”

However she did get up about 8:30 and we all proceeded to have a “lazy” day, i.e. do bugger all. In the end we went for a walk along the beach, which was now quite crowded. Getting to the end we had to use a shower to get the sand off our feet. Tricia had a blond moment. The shower unit had four nozzles with four push buttons under each nozzle; she put her foot under one and then presser the button of the one she was standing under. Result; soaking wet, sand still on feet.
Into café and beers, then back to MS.

Alan is always talking about all the “skivvies” he has working for him and I just figured out this does not just mean anybody who gets him a coffee first thing in the morning at work. No, it refers to everybody on the planet. I was just coming back from washing the dishes and there he was sprawled out on my lounger. “Any chance of a cup of coffee and some cake, now that you are finally back, squire?”

Tonight it’s BBQ and tomorrow Alan goes back to Blighty. Above "The cake eating machine"

Another lazy day counting off the minutes until we can take “the cake eating machine” back to the airport. As we were taking him there, I dropped a few hints about, it being a 100 mile round trip (twice), diesel was getting expensive, I had forgot to bring any money etc: subtle things like that. Result, the long pocket won again, nada, not a sausage, zip. If he and Ron C found a penny in the road they would invent copper wire.
Typical "Tricia lunch" TWO baked taties.
Big notice in reception “Wednesday no water all day and electric will go off now and then. For inspection purposes”. So, the big wash day is going to be today. See the new invention, clothes line and prop.

Bonterra Park 12th June 2009 (2)

2009-06-12T06:59:00.001-07:00

Was talking to Colin, the “Monster” owner and I noticed that he had a pair of “Long Vehicle” plates on the back of the trailer that he tows his Smart car on. “What’re those for?” He told me that all vehicles over 12m needed them. I did not notice him pointing to the MS when he said, “How long is it?” “That’s a rather personal question, Colin….Oh sorry oh that thing”.

So it turns out I need them as well. Funny enough I should have figured out myself because on a number of occasions, on the way down here, we have been overtaken by cars that obviously just thought we were a motorhome, not something 13.5 m long. They barely made it!

Now I have been known, on some very rare circumstances to utter the expletive “WHAT!” when presented with something I deem to be overpriced, termed by our friends the Swans as “The Swinhoe WHAT”. In Spain however this has been replaced by “QUE!” Pronounced “KAY” as in Faulty Towers.

Well we went to the store in Valencia, Juvi, a kind of Halfords, to get the said items. They are a thin piece of rectangular tin approximately 4” x 16”, centre yellow and red tape around the edges. Not a lot of English spoken at the shop but managed to get, by pointing, what I wanted. Quanto vale? (How much are they) “€veintiuna”. Right, now numbers, let’s think, sounds like a “one” is in there somewhere, now what’s that “Beheenteh sound?” 10? Could it be 11? Hang on that’s a 20, €21!!!! EACH!!!
“QUE!”
We eventually agreed on €17 but I only bought one, I thought I’ll just cut in half.

Well the time came round and we had to drive down to the airport and get the “SWAN”, they was no way round it, he had ignored all the subtle hints, “We don’t want you here!” etc. But as he was bringing the Branston Pickle nearly all could be forgiven. Apparently son Adam had taken it and other essentials round to Swanny’s office, Air Engineering, Alan had explained that if he was going to take it at all, it could not be in a glass container because of airport security. Those thieving buggers would have it away and it would jacket potatoes with cheese before you could say Jack Robinson. So between them, they came up with the idea of pouring it into a Tupperware container and sealing it with duck tape.
By the time he gets on the plane Alan is thinking, “If I get stopped by the Spanish customs, what the hell am I going to tell them what it is?”

So there’s him arriving, notice the pocket low down on his right leg, he can’t reach it. It’s where he keeps his money.

Well we got back in the dark, had some beers, king prawns in garlic butter, more beers then bed. He tucks up in that.

Up at 7’sh, walk to beech then to town, back for coffee and cake, then the pool.
Swan decides to text the lads back home “sorry, will not be making it to Wetherspoons tomorrow night, might just stop here”. It’s 34 degrees and warming up.

Bonterra Park 12th June 2009

2009-06-12T06:45:00.000-07:00

Bonterra Park 11th June 2009

2009-06-12T04:02:00.001-07:00

Swanny arrives today after the usual opinions on what he would actually bring were
traded. He wanted to bring what EasyJet (Easy?) said you could carry on for free i.e bugger all. We wanted him to bring, the largest Branston Pickle Jar he could get, the whole series of “West Wing” from brother Alan, other DVD’s, my Sony Walkman power lead, some decent tea bags and various books.
He says, “I could probably squeeze in the power lead?” So I then informed him that when he arrives, we will have moved somewhere else. Turns out the restricted size of the “free” hand carry on only allows for a bar of soap and two pairs of underpants, so he is paying the extra £16 to take a case, limited to 20 kgs mind.

Tricia has been looking a little troubled of late and I finally found out why. Basically Tricia is a “cleaner”, that is she likes things to be clean. That also means not my type of “clean”. Whip round with a brush and rag; take off the surface stuff and “Thataldee” (Geordie expression for an excellent job, well done). She, on the other hand, wants to get in all the cracks and crannies, even the cooker top, and take twice as much time, what a waste. So with the imminent arrival of “a guest”, and I use that term very loosely, she wanted the OUTSIDE cleaned as well!
This had taken on a rather burnt sienna look after the brief “brown rain” we had had, so I explained we would only have to do it again when we left so why not just leave it to then? Not really an argument after that comment because the last time I saw that look in her eyes she was chopping off a rabbit’s head ready for a stew.
So off for the “big” ladders from reception. I washed it first and then she washed it “better”, well the bits that I missed. It’s a lot harder/bigger than a car; we even remembered the wheels and awning. Anyway that’s her up the ladders finishing off the windows.
I don’t know why but I noticed a number of the blokes near us going for a cold shower.
Thinks (could be a good spare time job when we get back, “bikini babe window cleaners”)

I said to Tricia, the other morning, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

She replied, "I'll miss you..."

2009-06-09T07:18:00.000-07:00

Bonterra Park 9th June 2009

Well we finally have satellite TV. As previously mentioned I had brought a 0.3 m dish, definitely no go. See that one behind the tree is a 1.6 m dish and it belongs to Colin who also owns that monster he is cleaning, as you can see. It’s a “Magellan” and has on of those “smart” cars on a trailer. It has three slide outs which manage to fit between the trees. It’s about 9 tons and 10 m long, costs well over £150K I believe. Anyway he says “you could probably hook up to my dish if you have a long enough cable. Quickly down to local bazaar, local cheap shops run by Asian families (does nothing change), who sell just about everything. 80m of cable later and Bob’s your parent’s brother and we are watching over a thousand channels.

Now one of the things we were not going to miss is all the bad news of what was going on when we left. It’s STILL going on! MP’s expenses, Brown’s charisma bypass, house prices, swine flu..etc. So within 10 minutes I am shouting at the TV. I’ve already been shouting at the computer whist reading the papers via internet.
So it’s just like being at home again and we decided to go back to watching DVDs. Tonight it will be “I was Monty’s double” with John Mills in B&W, yes it’s getting that desperate. Send some please, address to follow.

Went for a bike ride and decided to spice things up and let Tricia lead, so I asked her how far she wanted to go. (no please) “About 8 miles”, “OK, just through the town and turn left at the place we did the other day”. Now for 8 miles it’s not really worth sliding my lycra (calm down Pat) shorts over my now shaved thighs (all us true cyclists do it you know), so I thought “Give her enough rope”.
4 miles later, “Do we turn here?”, “What do you think?” “Er…er”. “Look pet; if we turn there we will be back to the MS in 10 minutes” (by fast car mind) “OK”
6 miles later. “Is that Carrefore?” “Yep”, “So this is Castellon?” “Yep”
“You bastard!” Round trip 23 miles, I thank you! (She did enjoy it really)

During the ride Tricia kept stopping and “adjusting herself”; after a while I asked her what was going on. “Well, I think (think?) I’m wearing a pair of knickers that are a bit too big and they are really getting in a bit of a twist”. Whilst this “adjustment” went on a number of times and we were out in the sticks is OK, unzipping your shorts outside Carrefore and having a rake around was not what I would call the height of modesty. Highlighted by the sight, and sounds, of a Spanish cyclist riding into a bus stop.

Bye the way, for those out there who know Tricia (not in the biblical sense!), she has been suffering from ME (that’s Myalgic Encephalopathy, not me, then again could be right) for 12 years or so. So, we were both worried that she would “come over all funny” because any excessive physical exertions bring it on. So the cycle riding was a bit of a worry. Turns out no problemo baby and she has perked up all round, well not THAT perked up.
Something funny though, she said to me the other day “Have you seen that young Spaniard who delivers the water? He’s got a gorgeous six pack”, when I asked her “Was it Stella or Heineken?” she just gave me a blank look? Women! What do I know?

Wash day yesterday and since it was the turn of “the sheets” we had to use the machines in the laundry on site. €3 for 5 kgs of dry wash. Lifts up laundry basket, “That’s about 10 kgs, 2 washes, Pet”.

Now as an ex-Posty, we were always been told “No more than 16 Kgs in those pouches!” I’ve seen Postmen, and Postwomen, staggering to their bikes and barely able to lift them on to the tray at the front. Up steps a manager “Did you weigh that pouch?”, “Of course, exactly 15.9 Kgs”. “Er, but our scales measure only in even increments (true), so how come 15.9, ha-ha got you there!” “I guessed the other bit” (The “other bit” probably being about 6 or 7 Kgs) “Or well that’s all right then, off you go”.

So relying on me to guess is probably not a sure bet at the best of times. Result was that it took 2 goes at €3/go and a call to a washing machine mechanic, to figure out that “we” had put too much in. Also found out that the “once a day sun protector” called Piz Buin (and costs the bloody earth for a thimble full!) is more likely to be “once a week” because although Tricia always showers after she has been “cleaning her bike” (she previous post); her side of the white sheets were now, in fact, cream.

BBQ tonight, two enormous half chickens that we will have with salad and a nice dry white wine, after which; “Monty’s double”.

P.S. Stuart, your comment worked OK and thanks for the books and support (it will be back next Tuesday thoroughly cleaned and mended).

Bonterra Park 7th June 2009

2009-06-07T05:21:00.000-07:00

7th June! We have been gone 1 whole month!
Last 5 days pretty similar, bike rides, 20 odd miles is not uncommon nowadays, although we did go to Onda via the Navara, because it was a bit too far.
When we arrived at the tourist information shop, it was shut. Tricia wanted to go to the “famous” museum but it was shut until 4pm. As we could see the castle from where we were, we parked (only place actually in Onda itself, to park) and set off in that direction. Fairly steep climb but we finally made it, sweating profusely as it was early afternoon and the temperature was mid 30’s. Got the castle gate, yep you guessed, shut!

Followed Tricia down, as she took pictures of just about everything, doors, windows, birds, steps, thank God for digital cameras.
Stopped for a coffee, asked for dos café leche, got just that except they had already put sugar in and, as usual, Tricia ate my biscuit.
Received an unusual request from Mr Swan back in Blighty. “Queeny Swan is off on a hen week end, I could pop over?” Thought he must be joking as he has just come back from a week in Greece or somewhere, so “Yeah, OK, plenty of room”. Next second, another e-mail “See you on Thursday then”!
Then of course it’s “hire me a bicycle, pick me up, get the beers in, wipe my arse etc.”.
He never changes you know. When he gets here the first thing he will want to know is “where’s the Port then? That’s it there mate, pretty terrible isn’t it? That’s Tricia with another “sweet” coffee and a cake she said she really liked but did not know what the hell it was?

I hate birds. Sitting having a good read the other day, splat! Right on my shoulder, I don’t know what it had been eating but green and yellow was certainly part of it. I asked Tricia for a tissue “What the heck for it will be miles away by now!”
Tried the restaurant on site, “3 courses plus wine/beer, €9” Well there were choices, but my starter of Pasta and Bolognese sauce was very good, either chicken or mixed fish. Tricia wanted fish, I went for chicken. “It’s off, all gone, how about lamb?”
Now lamb is one of her indoors favourite so it’s yep, yep, yep me too please. It was OK’ish. Pudding was a pineapple panecotta, gorgeous. We also had a carafe of wine and I had a beer. €18 not bad except we hadn’t eaten that much so far and wobbled back to the Mothership.

It’s Sunday morning, I’m reading The Sunday Times online. Tricia is “cleaning her bike” again. What that really means is that she “intended” to clean her bike but decided to get her cossy on, eat oranges and lie in the sun while she is reading. She has “cleaned her bike” like this for some time now. The bike just gets browner with dust, she just gets browner.
Tricia “bike cleaning”.

Got a shock while we were at the port, I ordered a “beer” and the waitress DID NOT UNDERSTAND! This must be the only part of the world that the word beer is not universally understood, I tried “Bieree”, “beeraaa”, “birra” and was on the point of shouting slowly as we English do at times like this, when I remembered what was written on the last twelve pack I bought at Lidl. It’s “Cerveja”, pronounced “kayvetha”, with the emphasis on the second syllable from the end of the word. So I now know why I don’t see many drunken foreigners around the place and lots of Spanish falling all over. After about 3 drinks we can’t pronounce it anymore and have to just go home! So Swanny be warned.
As I have said in other posts, this is not a part of Spain frequented by many British so you must learn the language, consequently we are giving it a go. Tricia is doing really well and adding to her vocabulary every day. I have managed to say “kayvetha” more than tree times in an evening so learning anymore would just be showing off.

Bonterra Park 2nd June 2009

2009-06-02T02:02:00.000-07:00

Not a lot happening recently. Sun, Sun, overcast (for a couple of hours), bit of welcome rain and then Sun again. Temperature usually in the 30’s.

Tried the aircon for the first time, my God it was noisy so it must have a fault, hope we don’t really need it until we get back and get it seen to.

Daily schedule is; get up about 7:30’ish, tea, check e-mails, shower, shave and s. Her indoors tends to manage to stay in bed until about 9:30.

Talking about showers; I’ve found out that you need to be careful as to which shower to use. They can be VERY hot which of course is a good thing, but if you pick a shower that’s closely connected, i.e. on the same supply as the others and the wash basins and toilets can be a problem. So in the middle of a shower someone flushes etc. and WOW! So if you pick the right one, number 4 in my case, either at the point of “flush” you step out because there is a slight delay or it doesn’t reach you at all.
I always shave in the shower, always have done and a lot of people can’t understand this. Basically I know where my face is, the bits to avoid and I usually do a good job.
As I thought I may miss the odd shower whilst away I thought I’d get an electric shaver which of course I promptly left at home.

I remember getting an electric shaver when I was about 17. My Dad used a “7’o’clock” single bladed contraption that screwed together. “You’re just a girls blouse using that thing Son, should use a proper manly shaver”
“Tell you what Dad, give it a try I’ll bet you will change your mind”
So, next morning he gives it a go and is on for about 5 minutes before he throws it back to me. “Look Son, I will admit it’s smooth but it doesn’t give a very close shave, it’s bloody useless”.

He hadn’t taken off the clear plastic cover. I thought it wise not to mention this to him.

Ablutions done its back to the Mothership for a Colombian coffee and a good read.

Just finished Ken Follett’s “World without end” (1237 pages), a tale of life in a small hamlet in 1300’s England. Not a bad read actually. Also Michael Crichton’s “State of fear”(717), Johnson Beharry’s “Barefoot soldier”(434) and Martin Lewis “Bloody heroes” (432). I found an “old” copy of Tom Clancy’s “Clear and present danger” (816) and am presently re-reading that. You have noticed that I have been indicating book lengths, well this is important because as stated before, it’s “never mind the quality, feel the width” that’s important to me. Five weeks left and I’m running out of books!

Been on a few more bike rides after “modifying” my ladies lycra shorts i.e. inking out the “Women Sports” motif and re-modelling the gusset to fit my “meat and two veg” rather than the standard “flat” arrangement. Problem is that they must have some effect on me because every four weeks I get an irrational urge to shout at people and now for some reason I cannot reverse the car.

Tricia “tried” to make a casserole last night. We had bought “some meat” from good old Lidl, so she cut up some vegetables and put it in the oven. We had both been brought up on gas ovens but for the last 15 years or so had moved to electric. That first change over brought a lot of undercooked and burnt offering before we figured it out. So the upshot of this is that although we knew what 180 on a fan oven could do we had now forgotten the difference between 2 and 7 on the gas version.

After about an hour on “2” I could hold my hand against the glass window of the oven “It’s not hot enough, pet”. “Yes it is! Leave it alone, I’m the cook, it’ll turn out dry and burnt otherwise, sod off”. “But”. “LEAVE IT ALONE!”

Went for walk, three ours later, “Well we could fry it you know”. “Well I told you….” SLAP!

Bonterra Park 27th May 2009

2009-05-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

Went for another bike ride to Castellon yesterday (Tuesday, 2 weeks and 3 days already!) to a shopping centre called Alcamp, on the west side of town. Thought it would be a camping place, (or a place for homosexuals, who knows). Turned out to be a set of outlets like they have in America.

When we got to the town it was actually open as we had had the foresight to go before siesta i.e. not between 1pm and 4pm. Had a coffee and found a fish/vegetable market. Unfortunately as Tricia had her bike with her she could not actually shop, which was a pity.

Pushed on to Alcamp, locked up the bikes and went wondering around with Tricia in serious shopping mode as she had spotted, among other things, a Nike outlet and she had been NEEDING another pair of shoes/trainers.

We had lunch in an American dinner type of thing and it was pretty dreadful.

In a DIY store we bought a piece of pipe that would be perfect to connect to our waste hose when cleaning out the tanks, interesting isn’t it?
In almost no time, well perhaps an hour Tricia had chosen her new trainers and I had bought them. In a sports goods shop I was trying to get her to get a pair of shorts and a top more suitable for bike riding, instead I ended up with a bike top and lycra cycling shorts (with a chamois crutch). I tried to get Tricia to buy some as well but she declined saying that anyone over the age of 25 shouldn’t even be in the same room as an item of clothing made from Lycra.
Cycled back and noticed this had been our longest ride, 26 miles!
On our rides this is Tricia’s most visited place, about once every 20 minutes.
When back Tricia insisted that I get my stuff on and then proceeded to fall about laughing which really hurt!

Her comments reminded me of when I used to do pantomime during my time as an apprentice at Thorns Valves and Tubes, Sunderland. In one part in Cinderella and her seven dwarfs, don’t ask, all the men, there were 6 of us and 2 women, had to dress up in black women’s tights. The audience was made up from Factories A, B, C and D, approximately 500-600 but mainly women. As we came dancing out, the canteen women, who usually sat in the first row, all shouted “Oh look, packed lunches”.
Ever since then, when ever I put on a pair of tights I think back to then, err I think I better stop there.
The lycra shorts were of similar value to Tricia it appears. What made it worse was that when I took them off she said, “Where did you get these from then” and proceeded to point to a little tag on the inside which stated “Women’s / large”.
I thought the crutch was a little roomy.
Had you ever wondered why middle aged men, especially British middle aged men almost always wear socks when wearing sandals? I think I now know why.

Meanwhile after the ride we were cream crackered, and after the obligatory game of cribbage, which I won again, so it’s now 6-5, to her, in the series. It has got so bad, as I have won the last 4 in a row, that at one stage, when she thought she would end up in SS (ask any Swinhoe), she just stopped playing. The secret of course is Gin and tonic. I bought some and Tricia found them and the result is I win more often.

The satellite dish has ceased to be. There are a few ways of rigging it, via a G clamp, that does not fit to anything, bolting it to a (wall?) or using a suction thingy and sticking it, high up, on the side of the Mothership. So I’m sitting there reading and “clang!” and it is now on the ground. Connected it up again and zip. Mind you, we were only getting some foreign channel from “Turksat” or something. So it looks like I might be investing in a bigger one.

Today we are mostly just sitting around recovering from yesterday. I’m planning a bike ride in my new gear but I think I will wait until after dark.

Bonterra Park 24/25th May 2009

2009-05-25T01:37:00.001-07:00

Last couple of days it has been cloudy but still mid 20’s, so warm enough.
Spent the day going for a cycle ride into Castello, round trip about 24 miles, Tricia’s getting pretty OK at the cycling bit now.

Also decided to wash the car, which was a new experience for Tricia. It was so warm that it was drying in streaks as soon as we washed it.

Last rain it actually rained. Trouble was it rained brown rain and the car is dirtier now than it’s even been in its life. Tricia had also spent ages was the Mothership, well up to the point she could reach, So it looked as if it had a tide mark round it. (note to self, buy a ladder). She did the BBQ, the tables and chairs, same story, there’re all the same brown colour now. As there is going to be a storm tonight I don’t think I try and rectify the situation, although everybody else is lining up at the car wash station.

Tricia managed 12 hours sleep last night; I honestly think she just waits until I do her some breakfast. This morning it was egg and toast.

Going to be a desperate day waiting for the football results. It’s gone to the predicted last gasp for Sunderland. Between, us, Newcastle, Middlesbrough and Hull. Trouble is, I don’t want any of them to go down, I like them all but I hope its M&H and not us.

Main job today is to try and get the Satellite dish up and running, from all accounts my “tiny” dish does not stand a chance, I’m surrounded by things 1.5m and upwards. Also the trees and metal posts don’t help any.

We went round to the “washing up” area, basically provides a number of sinks with hot (very) & cold water for washing dishes, cloths etc. plus electric points to plug in our portable twin tub. As Tricia began to wash up I decided to pop next door to have a pee.
Now the ladies & gents toilets and showers run parallel to each other and as I was “walking the dog” one of the loudest, frightening, explosive farts erupted from one of the woman’s cubicles. If I had done it I would have checked if my arse had fallen off!
So I come out to help with the drying and of course all I get is “JOHN! Do you have to do that! I explained, she did not believe me, what did I expect? A old’ish small round French woman appeared, I pointed, Tricia fell about laughing.

I this missive for a while and now its Sunday 7pm and Sunderland are staying up.
YIPPPPEEEEE!
Unfortunately Newcastle and Middleboro are going down. Swany gave me the news, now that he has figured out how to call me on my new Spanish mobile.
“Er, bad news John, they all lost”, “That means Sunderland stay up Al, what’s bad about that?” Unfortunately Alan is worships Alan Shearer and United, shame.

So wash car again, empty waste tanks and finally put the bloody satellite TV up.

Bonterra Park 22nd May 2009.

2009-05-22T09:22:00.001-07:00

Holy of holys, no sun, still 25ish though.

Decided to move the Mothership a few feet across the plot; a). Because it would be straight, not straight due to tosser of a German (see earlier post), b). So that we will be able to “liberate the awning” and c). So that we may be able to do something to ameliorate the slope of the ground.

So we waited until no one was looking (see why further on) and began the magical process of “hitching up”.

The idea is to reverse the pickup to the 5th wheel hitch receiver (the bit with the slot/hole attached to the back of the pickup, locates into the “hitch” on the front of the 5er otherwise known as “The Mothership”.
Now the hitch slot is about 4” wide and the hitch is cylindrical piece of metal 3” in diameter, 4” long with a 1/4” collar at the bottom, hanging from the front of the Mothership on a very stout arm.

Not a lot of room for error there. Also the Navara pickup is an auto, so no nice slipping the clutch either. Another “also” is that the height is critical; it is adjusted by raising or lowering the Mothership via two electrically driven “landing legs” at the front. Too high, no engagement, too low you biff the Mothership back a bit. So it has to be set so as to lift as it couples.

Well if you are on a downward slope and you get it wrong, wave goodbye to your 5th wheel.

Check list before hitching

1 Disconnect mains cable
2 Remove slideout supports
3 Clear inside (anything that can fall and break WILL fall and break) and retract slideout
4 Place bricks behind rear wheels on 5er (if on a downward slope)
5 Lift in steps
6 Detach any clothes lines, bikes/people leaning against etc
7 Remove lock and slide out looking pin on 5er hitch receiver
8 Drop tail gate
9 Connect electric cables and breakaway cable to pickup.
10 Go back for car keys, in the drawer “covered up “ by the now “in” slideout
11 Slideout out, get keys, slideout in
12 Fall out of door because you forgot you did not get the steps out.
13 Begin the process by extending the “legs” and guessing the right height (can take the odd minute or so)
14 Start car and open all windows so that the yelling can start

Then hitch up, yeah right!
Uneven ground does not help. So you are reversing a 2 ton pickup into a 3.5 ton 5th wheel aiming a 3” piece of metal at a 4” slot approximately 42” off the ground and you can’t see all of it out of the rear window (which is heavily tinted).
The whole shooting mass costs more than £50k.

Piece of piss really. By the way, reversing cameras are a no go as they are usually wide angle and like it says on some side mirrors (i.e. Jurassic Park) “objects may appear slightly bigger than they are”, so no help there then.

Left, left, no, no your other left, left, left, RIGHT! RIGHT! STOP!
Go back stupid! I MEAN FORWARD! FORWARD!
Right slow, slow, left, er I mean right, TOO FAST! STOPPPPPPPPP!

All the time the good wife has been standing at side of the pickup, holding the locking pin as far out as possible to give “maximum slot width” (don’t ask)

GO FORWARD YOU BRAINLESS NIT WIT, now back, back, MY TOES! MY BLOODY TOESSSSS…..!! FORWARD!!!!!!

“You’re bloody useless you are, you know”, “do you want a go? Umm I somehow thought so, right then let’s try again”

By the way, Tricia has never driven on “the wrong side”, as she puts it, ever in her life. Opps sorry, once in Portugal. In a Fiat rental, on a country road. Within seconds of taking the wheel she very nearly drove straight into front of an oncoming HGV “on the wrong side of the road!” I was pretty OK but the kids had counselling for months afterward.

So the very thought of “her indoors” driving a 17’ pickup with a 30’ 5th wheel hanging on the back, weighing 5 tons or so, on the “other” side of the road barely bears thinking about.

You also get someone, who has never even seen a pickup, trailer combination, turn up and start “left hand down man, left hand down!”
What the hell is that suppose to mean? Left hand down my what? My trousers, My socks….? Is he some kind of Caravan Club pervert?

So on and on until, usually by sheer luck and 30 minutes later, “click”.

That particular noise, no it’s not a “noise”, it’s an anthem, a call, a “hello” from an old friend, a climax a……wait a minute lets not get carried away,

Anyway this is why we would rather hitch up without an audience.

Of course reversing this monster is also a pop if you have finally figured out that to go left you go right, right, you go left, NEVER EVER use full lock and try not to let the Mothership bump into the pickup cabin on a turn.

By this time I had forgotten why we had started this.

Reversed into the plot, more or less first time, and into the correct position so at least straight (well ‘ish)
Except, awning still not fully open as a metal post is mysteriously in the way and the slope is as bad as ever.

All in all a very good waste of a day.

Bonterra Park 21st May 2009

2009-05-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

Uneventful few days, keep planning to cycle to Orpesa, a small town 6 miles north of us. As there is a hill in the way (150 m high) Tricia usually finds some reason why we should put it off till tomorrow? Tricia took her first swim yesterday, no, not in the Med, she tried that last week and the shock from her cold little pinkies, very nearly caused her to drop her ice lolly! Separating my wife from food, especially when it is actually in her possession is an act off idiocy. I tried it once and have still got the fork wounds to prove it.

So the Mediterranean is off her guest list for the time being. So it was the pool, choice of three, kiddies, outdoor or indoor. As the “indoor” is basically a pool in a greenhouse, at 30 degrees in the shade it makes it like a sauna. So into the “big” pool and six lengths later (that will do Mr Swan, no snickering at the back thank you) “I will improve on that each day”.

It’s market day today and I’m off to get a new wallet (or purse, as Tricia calls it) because my old one has worn out, through over usage. Mind it did take 18 years to do so, so I’m getting an extra strong, extra thick leather one this time.

As I type, I can see Tricia still in bed “I’ll get up early tomorrow”, its 9:10am and not a stirring. Looking out of the window it looks like another hot, cloudless day, another one! Dam.

We are thinking about moving to a different plot as, 1. This one slopes a bit, 2. It’s not going to be easy to get out off and exit when the site gets full, 3. There are some railings above us, to support overhead coverings in the winter, that prevents good reception of Astra 19.2 and all those “German channels” (we know what we are talking about here Phil TG) and 4. As we are parked now we can’t fully extend the awning.

I’ve more or less come down from the euphoria of finding a Lidl so close to the Park; I’ve cut back to 3 visits a day now. So now the task is to find the cheapest of everything! Potatoes are, when purchased via a wheel barrow, otherwise not. Meat is expensive and until we get a better handle on the language, we still don’t know if we are buying a fillet or dried badger. Luckily the real essentials beer and wine, oh all right, bread as well, are cheap if you are prepared to drink local/Spanish stuff. Saying that, the “local” stuff is called “Steinburg” (did the Germans actually LOSE the war?) only it is brewed in Valencia (pronounced Balethia) and is actually Spanish. At 4.8% and costing 60c a litre, I cannot get enough of it; well I would if SWMBO let me. I mean a fridge works much better when it’s full, it’s a known fact.
I finally found gold dust wine wise, 5 litres (a gallon!) for €3.29. It’s red and probably, to a more delicate palate as mine, a bit rough, but after the first few glasses becomes almost drinkable.

We are running out of DVD’s to watch, remember no TV as yet, so after the whole series of “Darling buds of May” (David Jason is just Del Boy but says “perfik” all the time instead of “luvly jubly”). We got past “The Notebook” as presented to us for our wedding anniversary by our son Adam. Does he really think I’m a woman? I thought it was a manual on computers and it turns out to some kind of sick romance thingy, thank God for the wine and I missed most of it but Tricia insisted we watch it AGAIN because I had fell asleep the first time. Then I got “Erin Be-something-ich” from the on site “Rally” library, made up of Camping Club and Caravan Club members, don’t ask, which was OK.
So now we are on to “Black Adder” the series, after that’s gone I’m going to have to talk to the wife.
Speaking of such it’s now 9:45, no movement as such, except “Stop the bloody coughing!”

After dinner we usually have a “friendly” game of cribbage. We stick mainly to the rules but have few “Swinhoe” additions which we think makes the game fairer. i.e. if you play off more than one card in a play, you get a point for each card and not just “one for my last”. We were once introduced to the “Swan” rules in the lobby of a hotel in Heidelberg, which revolved, very loosely about, “If Swans are losing, turn round and going the other way and then claiming they were going the correct way. Cheating b******ds.
Well it looks like Tricia has invented another rule or gambit. After winning the first 3 nights, yes 3 up in the series, I nearly spilled some beer. Anyway, justice and the very core of nature returned to it’s rightful place and I won the next 2 games, but here is the new rule: - If I (me, no one else, mind) win and Tricia, after I have actually won, can “peg in” with what’s in her remaining hand/box etc. then it’s a draw. So basically there are only 2 outcomes from any game, she wins or it’s a draw. I think I’ll try chess; she doesn’t play chess “it’s just draughts with knobs on”. After a game I remind of the Italian saying “after the game the pawn and king go in the same bed/box” “in your dreams sunshine, in your dreams”.

By the way she has just got up “Why didn’t you wake me up at 9 o’clock?” It’s all my fault.

Bonterra Park 20th May 2009

2009-05-20T03:25:00.000-07:00

So what is it like hear, I hear you ask? Either that or it’s Tricia’s tummy rumbling again.
Well, good’s and not so good’s.
Goods
Living in the Mothership; Everything is close at hand, when you are cooking, fridge, freezer, grill, oven, microwave and even the kitchen sink are all within arms reach. Cleaning; quick sweep with the brush. Sleeping; the bed is permanent, so it’s up three steps in zzzzzz. Eating and drinking; mostly outside, BBQ etc. Lots of salads. Wine and beer are probably the only things that are actually cheap here, food is about on par with the UK.
Communications; well she shouts at me a lot, no I mean coms with the rest of the world. We have bought a couple of Sims for our phones which come with a designated country call package i.e. 18 cents/minute to the UK, free phone to phone. Broadband (WiFi) is €2.4/minute which is not cheap and it’s fairly unreliable. So we are going for a “stick”, a USB dongle that costs €59 to buy and includes 150MB of data transfer. After that it depends which service you need i.e. unlimited for a month/s or limited (your choice on how much) for three months.

What to do; Well BP is very tidy and well equipped. The showers are great, powerful, hot as you like and unlimited. The toilets etc. are cleaned regularly by a posse of friendly Spanish ladies. We can use our washing machine for free in the wash up area (electric supplied as well as hot & cold water) or pay €4 to use the on site machines. Irons and ironing boards are provided in their own room and are again free.

The population of BP is generally summed up as “old”. Most of the people here, those that are passing through or those who stay here most of the year have been retired for a number of years. Tricia and I feel like youngsters again! I think I probably have the most and less grey hair on site, whilst Tricia has already been described by an elderly lady I was talking to the other day as “stunning”.(she had a dog & a stick mind).

What’s about; well joy of joys, there is a Lidl a short walk away and the town is about 10 minutes away, with lots of shops and cafes. The glorious 8 mile long beech is 300 yards away and is usually deserted.

Temperature at the moment tops at about 85º most days with a very slight breeze.
We have been here 11 days and have had a couple of brief showers and spotted a few clouds now and then.

As we were sitting watching “Erin Brockovich”, drinking some Champs after eating our BBQed steaks, reading the weather forecast for the next week (scorchio!) and thinking, “it could be worse”.

Not so goods; none.

Bonterra Park 17th May 20

2009-05-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

Well anniversary day dawned and I’d forgot the card and of course SWMBO hadn’t.
Also got cards from Heather & Adam, plus a DVD called “The Notebook”, as we both have one already I just don’t the point of another, perhaps it’s a computer manual?

Got up at 6:30 ‘ish, she still comatose after the gruelling 20 mile bike ride yesterday. Mind you it was great biking along 8 miles of beach, 87º F was another thing. Watched some “Black Adder II” then off to bed. The slight slope we are on seems to be getting worse; God knows how as we are on hard standing and I keep slipping out of the bottom of the bed. As I go past she thinks I’m getting frisky, no chance there mate, ho hum those were the days.

Made her breakfast in bed, porridge with sultanas and water, it’s more like a prison diet. Then off for the “place” with a good book. Before I left I made an effort to go to the book market in Grinstead to get some “throw away” books. Basically I went for anything that was as least 2“ thick, more a matter of longevity over substance, so some of the stuff is pretty crap.
Whilst having a shower it is a bit unnerving when you are washing your vitals and two Spanish women are chatting out side while they clean the floors?
Anyroadup, notice on the map that there was a “walk” which looked about 6 miles and included a “couple” of hills. “What about this one then?”, “OK, it’s not too hard is it?” (never heard a woman EVER say that, mind). “No, no pet, be a doddle”
See that MOUNTAIN in the far distance, that’s the one! Round trip of 9 miles, I think!
Also 1,200 ft in old money. Full of cyclist belting down at a hell of a lick. Tricia as usual had a “blond” moment. “John, look down there, there’s another road coming up the mountain!” “Er, pet, that’s the road we have just come up”.
Returned to barracks, knackered. Tonight were going to go out for a celebration dinner, staying in with BBQ steak and salad.

It is now a week!

2009-05-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's a week today we arrived at Bonterra Park (BP) and it's been getting hotter every day, today 31 dgs C! Of course we chose to do a bike ride to Castellela de la Plana, 20 mile trip all on cycle paths along the coast road. Tricia is as of now "lying down" as the furthest she has ever biked is 12 miles along the Worth way. Bonterra Park is great, very clean and quiet, 300 yards from the beautiful beaches, 10 minute walk into Bennicasim town, showers superb and we don't use hardly any water / electric as we use the on site services for washing up, using our washing m/c and ironing, for free.

The water in the Med is still a little cool tho but, that's as far as Tricia would go in!

The beach is about 8 miles long of unbroken sand, no fish & chips, no English beer pubs, in fact no English, mostly Dutch, German and Spanish. the whole place is full of cycle/skating lanes (Adam, if you come you MUST bring your skates & a spare pair for me).

That's it for now will update more as it happens.

John & Tricia

The reality the dream

2009-05-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

We were supposed to go on the 5th, but due to the “quiet” party and millions of other things we forgot, we postponed it to the 6th, cost £10 but well worth it.
Set off about 9’ish and after a couple of reverses got going. Saw Mark posting on Freshfield and he wished us well.
Arrived at Dover and parked awaiting the 1:55 pm sailing.
Terrified at getting on, but it was OK, and getting off the same. Headed for Disney park outside of Paris and got there about 9:30 pm but the “Esso” station parking was way too small so parked outside the main gates, after driving around cos GPS was confused and I ran a red light! Worried a bit for parking outside gate and expecting the Police to show up and send us on our way, until about 7 other motor homes, and 2 cars, turned up for the same reason! Bottle of suds (Champs) and a couple beers and a great nights sleep.

Up first thing, drove the wrong way to get out and following GPS drove through the bloody centre of Paris! Tricia said “head for the E10”, I said “its says Paris centre!”
Crossed the Seine a couple of times and finally on to the E10 “saff”.
On to the A10 and 250 miles later made our first stop at and official “aire” stayed in a field next to a hotel called Scorpion, oops forgot about bloody GPS leading us down a very minor road and having to do our first 3 point turn! Getting into the place was not straight forward so Tricia gets out and stops all the traffic so I can get in.
Had dinner in “hotel”, 45 bloody €’s, off season my arse! Getting out was a bit fraught but made it OK, getting out with 5+ tons digging in to the grass field was different!
Long drive and crossed Milau Bridge (€28.40), what a sight though but.
Next stop was an aire/Motorhome dealership in a secure field with electric etc in Massiac, about 40 miles south of Clarmont-Farrand on the N9. €10/ night inc. waste disposal which was a first! Three times I emptied the bloody “hog” with piss and shit all over the place, where does it all come from?

The GPS decided to get the final 2 miles was via a VERY minor road. Stopped just off slightly minor road and Tricia walked it to see if it was “navigable”, came back and I set out to walk a bit further and it looked OK except for one right hander that looked tight and it was!
Found a local super market and had moulles and fish salad washed down with suds, again!
Leaving the site was fun, the GPS first took us through a village where I really thought we would get stuck in, and then up a dead end road which lead to a 6 point turn.
Next was a 280 mile run to Bonterra Park, where I’m writing this. Motorways are OK but small roads a real pain, but made it OK, this is what it’s all about anyway.
Pulled into BP and after choosing our site took a “little time” to get in there, mainly due to lots of trees and a Teutonic twat of a German not moving his car so I could get in OK and then pointing out my crap parking “it stinks”. Later on, while scowling at our rig, he and this missus were in a small tent, he fell over on the gravel, how I laughed! Karma baby, karma.
Sunday, spent most of day “tidying”, empting the bloody waste hog, where does it all come from?
Went for a walk along the glorious beach, 25ºC and light breeze. Tricia’s toe started to rub in her new plimsolls, I said we should go back,”no it’s too nice!”. She walked back in the sand sans plimsolls. Suds then bed, after watching our 4th “Darling buds of May”.
Monday 11th May, finally figured out what was wrong with the electrics. Apparently the batteries are not being charged on the mains hook up. As I had brought along a spare battery charger (who would have?) wired it in with hook up and voila!
Went into and got lost in Castellon de la Plana, the local town (as big as Newcastle!) Bought table and lounges at supermarket and found a LIDL!

In storage

2009-03-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

This us in Livingston camp site.

it is now at a storage site in Sussex and yesterday I had to move to the farm next door to fix the mangled steps. Went OK, had to do a 3 point turn and it's getting better!

left there for a few days and then back to the storage park.

Just got an e-mail from Bonterra Park saying that we could not fit on their site (they thought we were 13m long) now understand that the mothership is 8.5m and is OK. So alfer spending a couple of days wondering where to stay (again) BP is back on.

Route is going to take about 3-4 days to get there, about 1,000 miles, so need to check out our stops (Aires probably) on the way. Roll on 5th May!

Got it!

2009-03-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

Went to Calder Leisure on Wednesday and picked up the Kountrylite 26 rear kitchen.They put your on a campsite about 1m from their place, very clean etc. while they "do" the Navara. Mine had already been chipped (58 plate) and I was geeting 30+ mpg no towing. This is now about 19 mpg with the Mothership on the back.The guys who do the mods were really friendly bunch of guys and did a great job.Tip* make sure you have your lockable wheel nut remover with you, I thought I had left mine and just before they were about to gride them off, I found it.CL lend you a car and we stayed in the area, windy/cold/rain etc. until Saturday morning. The unit was very impressive, warm, stable and better than we expected all round. On Friday you get to test drive your NEW navara and 5er, reversing etc.Tip* if you have not done it before practice hitching/unhitching, we did'nt, just watched it a couple of times and lost a lot of time(and embasresment on the camp site)There were a few "snags" but CL just fixed/adjusted there and then, really good people to do business with. On friday night Alex and Marguerite came round far a final chat and check if we were OK with everything, not many sales people do that.We had to drive it back here, Sussex, and managed OK until 500 yards from the storage area, coming round a mis-judged bend, rigs rhs wheels fell into stream. Ripped the steps off, they just bounced out (in future fix a lock to them). So looked like a major "large vechicle mover job" moment.I noticed I still had 6 feet or so in a straight lin before I hit the other side of the hedge so I put the truck in low 4wd, hit the gas and the bloody thing just pulled it out!! Amazing power!Good news, apart from the steps, which are been welded back into shape today, no other damage just some minor scratches to the skirt.Now parked up safe and sound. Off to Spain in May.

2009-02-15T03:10:00.001-08:00

What we are getting / using:-

This is the original singlr slide out / rear kitchen model, the twin slide out was too heavy so we reverted back to our first choice.

Just about there

2009-02-11T07:08:00.000-08:00

Well it's started, we've bought the pickup and the 5th wheel. Booked the ferry, 5th April 2009 and we are off to Valencia.

Pickering visit

2008-09-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

Went to above to have final discussions with Calder Leisure about placing order for Kountrylite 26 RL.
Turns out they have a new model comjing out early next year with TWO slides outs, more expensive
but just what we have been looking for.